Its such an honour to have my dearest friend as a guest blogger sharing her heartfelt journey about break throughs from break downs.
I grew up in the same street as Morgan, and I truly believe that the universe planted us right next door to each other so that we could walk the same journey of healing and rebirth together. Fast forward 16 years, on other sides of the country, we remain soul sisters with an unbreakable bond. Morgan has an admirably deep passion for Human Design with an insanely natural ability to write words that tell a story straight from her soul. She is a Projector and a Capricorn with her 12th house in Scorpio – Ruled by PLUTO. She was not put on this earth to live a mainstream life and stay stagnant. She is deep to the every centre of her core so it gives me great pleasure to share her wisdom.
We often hear about what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but when we are in the bullshit it doesn’t sit well. The blame game of why the hell me and when the hell will this be over is all too familiar when your mindset is ‘the world is happening to me rather than for me’.
I remember feeling this way before my first big shift, I was overseas broken and barely surviving internally. When I got home, I sat on the end of my bed and looked up to the heavens and whispered, ‘I’m ready, let the light shine in and let’s clear this bitch’. The days and month following were like vomiting waves of emotional outpour. I had never consciously felt the grief without being told by myself or others to ‘suck it up’ or ‘get over it’, this was the first-time suppression didn’t play a part in the story.
As the waves crashed my emotions were ejected up from my belly and like a blowhole into my throat, tears streaming down my face. As time went on the waves started to decrease, before a calming stillness now rested in body. This time was different. It felt good. I felt lighter for the moments after and waves of epiphany began to follow. I started understanding the constructivism behind the process. It was like for each moment of me processing my trauma or emotions I levelled up to a higher more beautiful view of life.
As my mindset started to shift so did my external reality. I had done a fair bit of the ‘spiritual work’ and read the books and listened to the podcasts even had my fair share of yoga and meditation classes but to truly sit in the front seat of the emotional ride, what an incredible experience. I went from copping the brunt to being the third person view in my awareness.
It was like I was looking down into a world of strategy and the codes for upgrade, where life experience was the exchange value.
My people started to change. My environments felt like home. The universe started to shift my opportunities and anything old and stagnant fell away and decomposed like it had hit its expiry date. Sometimes I didn’t even have to externally voice what no longer felt right for me, but when I did it wasn’t full of tremble or fear anymore. It came from integrity and truth. I started to understand the portal of my soul beaming down connecting to my mind into my heart and through my mouth and finger tips. When I presented to the world through my heart I was congratulated by the universe in such ways, it was too obvious to doubt. I remember times where I genuinely felt punked because things aligned way to beautifully. It made me look up to the sky and laugh.
Since this time years ago, there has been many more upgrades and challenges. What I take away from these experiences, which seem to be the perpetual theme are; no matter the nature the process is the same. As we devour our struggle our DNA is rearranged, we shed the old self, the old mindset, the old ways. To allow for rebirth, to reclaim.
Until we surrender to the experiences lesson, we hold onto a poison that becomes more destructive and festers.
But now I’ll remember the next time I’m brought to my knees that this lesson is just another to add to my wisdom keys. To unlock the next upgrade, the next lesson of life as these moments aren’t just moments created to cause strive. As I reflect from the 28 years passed it’s clear to see how beautifully tangled but in line the mother divine has created my path. As I continue to charter the unknown waters the one lesson that infinitely returns is that when everything else is warn away, that the inner compass, is the only compass that is here to stay. Trust.